LOL

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: : IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER : : These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are : : things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and : : now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm : : while these exchanges were actually taking place. : : ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? : : WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?' : : ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? : : WITNESS: My name is Susan! : : ____________________________________________ : : ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? : : WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. : : ____________________________________________ : : ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? : : WITNESS: No , I just lie there. : : ____________________________________________ : : ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? : : WITNESS: Yes. : : ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? : : WITNESS: I forget.. : : ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? : : ___________________________________________ : : ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? : : WITNESS: We both do. : : ATTORNEY: Voodoo? : : WITNESS: We do.. : : ATTORNEY: You do? : : WITNESS: Yes , voodoo. : : ____________________________________________ : : ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning? : : WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? : : ____________________________________ : : ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he? : : WITNESS: He's 20 , much like your IQ. : : ___________________________________________ : : ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? : : WITNESS: Are you kidding me? : : _________________________________________ : : ___________________________________________ : : ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? : : WITNESS: Yes. : : ATTORNEY: How many were boys? : : WITNESS: None. : : ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? : : WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? : : ____________________________________________ : : ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? : : WITNESS: By death.. : : ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? : : WITNESS: Take a guess. : : ____________________________________________ : : ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? : : WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard : : ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? : : WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. : : _____________________________________ : : ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? : : WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. : : ______________________________________ : : ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? : : WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight. : : _________________________________________ : : ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to? : : WITNESS: Oral... : : _________________________________________ : : ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? : : WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM : : ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? : : WITNESS: If not , he was by the time I finished. : : ____________________________________________ : : ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? : : WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? : : ______________________________________ : : And last: : : ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? : : WITNESS: No. : : ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? : : WITNESS: No. : : ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? : : WITNESS: No.. : : ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? : : WITNESS: No. : : ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? : : WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. : : ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? : : WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. : : : : : :

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