One for the boys

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: The Guys' Rules : > : > The guys' side of the story. : > (I must admit, it's pretty good.) : > : : > : > We always hear "the rules" : > from the female side. : > Now here are the rules from the male side. : > These are our rules! : > Please note... these are all numbered "1" : > ON PURPOSE! : > : : > 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. : > You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. : > We need it up, you need it down. : > You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it : > down. : : > : > 1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon : > or the changing of the tides. : > Let it be. : : > : > 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. : > And no, we are never going to think of it that way. : : > : > 1. Crying is blackmail. : : > : > 1. Ask for what you want. : > Let us be clear on this one: : > Subtle hints do not work! : > Strong hints do not work! : > Obvious hints do not work! : > Just say it! : : > : > 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to : > almost every question. : : > : > 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help : > solving it. : > That's what we do. : > Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. : : > : > 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. : > See a doctor. : : > : > 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in : > an argument. : > In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 : > days. : : > : > 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret : > girls, : > don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. : : > : > 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. : > Don't ask us. : : > : > 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways : > and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, : > we meant the other one. : : > : > 1. You can either ask us to do something : > or tell us how you want it done. : > Not both. : > If you already know best how to do it, just do it : > yourself. : : > : > 1. Whenever possible, : > please say whatever you have to say during : > commercials. : : > : > 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and : > neither do we. : : > : > 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows : > default settings. : > Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin : > is also a fruit. : > We : > have no idea what mauve is. : : > : > 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. : > We do that. : : > : > 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," : > we will act like nothing's wrong. : > We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the : > hassle. : : > : > 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer : > to, : > expect an answer you don't want to hear. : : > : > 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything : > you wear : > is fine...Really. : : > : > 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you : > are : > prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the : > shotgun formation, : > monster trucks , or motorcycles . : : > : > 1. You have enough clothes. : : > : > 1. You have too many shoes. : : > : > 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

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