Posted by Sweetdarlin33_ (Platinum) (Ranked 15 on Euchre (Pogo) Ladder) on October 31, 2006 at 17:27:27:
The arrival of G.I. Joe
Why does his commander make him do such silly things, he cannot believe it when he heard him say that they were going to go visit that bimbo again. He hates being in the same place with her, it degrades him and a man of his rank should not ever have to be degraded.
But as always, the control is out of his hands, he must do what he is forced to do, if he had his way he would take a grenade and blow the bimbo and her wimpy #*^boyfriend to smithereens.
OK pull yourself together and make the best of it, have some faith in the commander of this operation to do the right thing, and try to have some fun.
Where is this place, it is not the usual pink house, it looks kind of cool, spooky even. Maybe the commander came to his senses and I can have some fun today, even with the bimbo. Oh how he hopes the fashion coordinator does not insist on putting him in the wimp’s clothes as she usually does, life was so much more fun when he got to blow things up, instead of going to play dress up.
The fashion coordinator says I need a costume, this is worse then anything he has ever experienced she wants him to dress up as a woman, like that skimpy dress will fit my body he thinks, but she still insist and does her best to put that dress on him, how could his commander allow such evil things to happen to him? If they need a man to dress as a woman, and then let the wimp do it, I am a man’s man; I was made to blow things up, to save the world not to be shoved in a dress just because his commander got bit by the love bug.
That is IT, I am going to kill them all, even the commander, this is terrible, I am going AWAL, and I am so out of here. I don’t care if I will be put in the big box and locked up forever. I will not do this anymore. Oh how I wish I had the power to do refuse to do this anymore. What kind of evilness is this? Where is Duke when you need him, why didn’t the commander enlist him for this mission today also?
“Kids, come and eat” I hear a strange voice coming from far away. As the fashion coordinator and the commander leaves, I hear the bimbo laughing at me saying I look so silly half way into one of my dresses. This is worse then any nightmare anyone could dream up.
Oh wow, I must have fallen back to sleep. What a dream that was! OMG look at the time, it’s almost midnight. I better get dressed and get to the party. I think I will put on my silk purple robe that's covered with jewels and my diamond studded hat. The girls always liked that one. As I look in the mirror while brushing my silver long hair and matching beard, I think what a handsome devil you are. I get into my white limo and tell the driver to take me to 69 Sex Drive. We get there and what a grand hotel it must have been in it's time. Now its a little run down with weeds everywhere. I walk up to the door and the hunchback of Notre Dame opens the door and says welcome to the Hotel of Horrors. Spooky.
I enter the grand Ballroom and to my surprise all my friends are here. Hey that's Cinderella and Playboy Bunny mud wrestling in the corner. Look over there! Big Al Capone is humping the Pillsbury Doughboy and look at poor Eeyore. He looks like a wallflower, not much of a donkey.
I move toward the bar to get me a drink. I trip over a ghost and drop my bag of magic. Out pops my magic wand and it started to bounce around the floor. Oh no, I can’t control it! The lights suddenly went out. A few minutes later they came back on. To my surprise, Eeyore has turned into the Disco Duck, Playboy Bunny and Pillsbury Doughboy are making little playdoughs. Cinderella has turned into Cinderfella ( a high priced hooker) and is pointing a big heater(gun) at Al Capone and demanding he pay up for services rendered.. After a few drinks I think I can really get into this party. Of course being who I am, Merlin the Magician, I can make anything happen. A turn of my body, a wave of my wand.............................AHHHHHH the land of Oz. Playboy Bunny is now the Scarecrow, Pillsbury Doughboy is the Cowardly Lion, Al Capone is the heartless Tin Man, Eeyore is Toto, Cinderella is Dorothy and me, of course, The Wizard of Oz. I just love Halloween. Happy Halloween everyone!
Al Capone eats the funny brownies…
The gangster's first reaction was to protect himself and the dame. He quickly lowered his body to a crouch and started pulling the limp form of the ex playboy bunny to a place of safety. The back of the bar served as bunker with three sides protected by thick panels of wood. Al peered around the end of the bar and was puzzled at the lack of any activity out of the normal. He felt sure the decapitation of his trusted driver and bodyguard was just the first step in a plan to assassinate Chicago’s most powerful crime boss. Ducking back into the protected area of the bar he began to check the dame. While still prone she began to show signs of coming around. He cradled her head in his lap and talked softly, encouraging her to awaken. As he stroked her cheek he wondered to himself what was happening here. It was pretty clear he had enemies here but who and how they knew he'd be here was still a question he had no answer for. He was sure dollface wouldn’t set him up but the sooner she came to the quicker they could think about getting outta here.
He still had an ace up his sleeve for he had dispatched Guido and two shooters to the abandoned hotel the night before with instructions to lay low on the 2nd floor awaiting his signal if trouble showed. He decided that would be his first move since he didn’t know any of the others here. He and dollface would move quietly to the second floor and locate Guido and his two boys.
The ex-bunny opened her eyes as if from a deep dream-filled sleep. As she came fully awake her expression began to reflect the traumatic events of the last hour. Al soothed her a bit by telling her all was ok and he'd protect her. As she sat up he began to question her about the invitation to the nights gathering and how she learned of it. She explained that it came in the form of special delivery pouch by someone calling themselves PDB. They seemed to be friends with her former employer and invited her with a guest of her choosing to attend a private and highly exclusive celebration. That seemed to be all she really knew at this point. She hadn’t met any of the other guests so far but thought there were 5 or 6 others there in the outer tables.
Just as he was about to tell her about Guido and his plan to find them a voice reverberated through the room obviously from a pa . Al raised up far enough to see a figure that caused him to question his vision and maybe even his sanity. For there hovering in the center of the room about 5 feet off the floor was a medieval like creature in a long flowing robe and pointed hat. As they both now watched he began to explain that he was Merlin the Magician from centuries ago. He had been invited along with other historical and infamous figures throughout time to attempt to save mankind from from complete annihilation. The task was relatively simple he explained although it made no logical sense at all. A group from another plane of existence, a very dark and evil existence had achieved a means of entering the world we humans know. They are single minded in their intent to destroy the human race by removing the heads and entering the remaining torso to control it. He also explained that higher powers had allowed mankind a chance at survival. It seems one of our guest was the key. He asked him to step forward. All eyes were riveted as out of the shadows bounced a comical little fellow very plump and smiling. This was the fabled Pillsbury Doughboy. Merlin explained the next step was for each of us had to take bites from and consume this lovable little fellow. The result would be immunity from the evil that would allow each of us to return and share with our respective worlds. As figures started emerging from the corners of the room the doughman seemed to get a little nervous. As Scarface and Bunny started forward with the others most of the talk seemed to be about which body parts each preferred.
Merlin himself resolved potential arguments by yanking an ear off the putty like figure and swallowing it whole. His act seemed to ignite the others as they all rushed the little fat boy and started to devour him. The whole eating orgy lasted only a few minutes as they found him extremely tasty. They were all overcome with the lazy sleepy feeling you get after consuming so many sugary carbohydrates and found themselves all relaxing drowsily around the floor.
It was at this moment a figure entered the room followed by several shadowy images that looked more like a dark mist. The leader, whose body strangely reminded Al of Bottles, was a cross between Bill Clinton and Saddam Hussein. He was very methodical and crisp in his directions. He told the evil fog like mass behind him that we had fallen completely for his trap. As Al and Dollface watched in horror the others were each decapitated and the remaining torso brought to mobility as the evil mist flowed into it. They looked into each others eyes and realized the end was here. A strange thought was the last thing Al "Scarface" Capone remembered as himself. He hadn’t gotten laid!!!!!!! Damned Baked Goods!!!!!!!!!!!
Cinderella gets her man…
Man these people are all a little whacked, at least that’s how they seem. Maybe if I talk to some of them I might change my mind. The guy that looks like Al Capone is really cute and of course I like the bad boy types. I make my way around the dance floor, telling people I pass "Hi". Awww look at that! A donkey in the corner by itself. He is soooo cute, kinda the "poor me" type. Maybe I will bring him a couple of drinks to loosen him up later.
"Man I am hungry", I couldn't eat a damn thing today worrying about fitting into this dress. It fits fine so maybe a nibble or two. "Oh God" they have frozen margaritas, "I am so going to get drunk."
I have been watching people dance for awhile now. I saw the doughboy get shot down by the blonde playboy looking bimbo. Oh cool a G.I Joe is here too. Let me get a couple of these Hurricane glass size margaritas in me and I might the ham in an Al - Joe sandwich. What the hell! I look like a hooker might as well act like one. But I would do them for free. Isn't this what Halloween is about? You can be someone else for the night, right?
I want to dance and it is a slow song, about the only thing I can dance to now seeing I am a bit tipsy. I walk over to Al and take his hand to lead him to the dance floor. The blonde bimbo speaks to me "Hey where you think you’re going with my man?" I look at her with a stare straight in her eyes "Yo, dollface I will leave enough for you to have left overs." I don't think she gets the picture so I tell her "Don't let this dress fool you, mess with me and I will wipe the floor with your scrawny butt." Al is laughing as I lead him to the dance floor. His bimbo is huffing and puffing at the bar.
We are dancing so close together you couldn't get a piece of paper between us. One song turns into another. I am starting not to feel so good, maybe I should of eaten more and drank less. I hate to do this but I need to go before I make a fool of myself in front of all these people. I hear the clock strike midnight, I am glad I told the cab to be back at midnight. I break away from Al and start to run. Knowing at any minute I will be sick. Damnit! One of my glass slippers came off, Oh well I am not going back for it.....
Eeyore cheers up… (not likely)
Oh no, the lights have gone out. I told you that bad things always happen when I'm around. I'm a jinx.
I think I'll try to find out where everyone else is at. I thought I heard someone scream when the lights went out. My ears are so droopy that sometimes I don't hear very well. Not much hearing for not much of a donkey.
Maybe I'll call out and see if anyone answers. HEE-HAW, HEE-HAW, HEE-HAW!
Someone just threw a glass at me and called me by my cousin’s name. Ass. Jack Ass. I don't look like Jack. I know Jack. I'll have to tell them they don't know Jack. Sigh--
I just bumped into the Pillsbury Doughboy. He's so happy. I want to be a Pillsbury Doughdonkey. I would let people poke me in the tummy if it would make me happy. I told him that and he rolled his eyes at me. Oh well, not much pokin' for not much of a donkey.
Why is Al Capone scowling at me? I would let Al ride me if he wanted to. I wonder if Al knows Jack? I bet he doesn't.
I just waved my ear at the Playboy Bunny. What does 'gross' mean? Is gross a good thing? She has pretty blonde hair. I wonder if she's as smart as she is pretty? Ouch! She just tripped over her own foot. Oh well, not much of a Playboy for not much of a donkey.
Cinderella looks like a hooker. I thought Cinderella was looking for her prince. I would be Cinderella's prince. I wonder how much it would cost? I'm not very rich. I wonder if she's cheap?
There's Merlin the Magician. He's waving his magic wand all over the nice people. Oh goodness. He just turned G.I. Joe into a frog. He will certainly be in camo now. I wonder if Merlin could turn me into...
Oh well, not much of a party for not much of a donkey. Sigh—
Pillsbury Doughboy’s dangling chad…
I groped my way down a long, dark corridor and eventually found Room 13. I gingerly inserted my key and slowly pushed the door open. I dropped my bags onto a big 4 poster oak bed. "At least, I'll get a good night's rest in this bed," I thought to myself. Turning to see what else was in the room, I spied a horrid looking creature in front of me. It was big and chubby with a grotesque looking face and seemed to sway. Oh what a dummy. I was looking at myself in the mirror!! After calming down my frayed nerves, I reminded myself that I was getting hungrier by the moment so I decided to brave the halls again in search of food.
I inched my way down the corridor and came to a door that said Kitchen. I pushed the door open and holding my candle high walked through the door. I spotted the fridge and so decided to see what I might find there. Upon opening the door, I backed away quickly. There on the shelf in front of me were rows and rows of crescent rolls!!! No way, I was eating them. They might be relatives!! Maybe, I wasn't as hungry as I thought. Just as I was about to leave the room, a big man with a deep voice appeared out of nowhere and suggested in no uncertain terms that I might want to head to the ballroom if I knew what was good for me. He was wearing a hooded cloak and seemed to float, although he probably wasn't. He pointed me in the direction of what I soon found out was the Ballroom.
There were a number of people sitting at a bar and at various tables around the perimeter of the room. They seemed to be getting stupid drunk and I being tired decided to go back to my room, get a good night's rest and leave this nut house in the morning
The guy in the hooded cloak had other ideas about my leaving. He pushed me into a chair and told me I was going nowhere. By now, I wasn't just tired and hungry but now I was furious that this person seemed to be holding me captive. I demanded to know who he was and where he got off telling me I couldn't leave. After what appeared to be hours (but likely only a minute or so), he yelled out "LIGHTS". The lights immediately came on in the room which had been nicely decorated in a Halloween theme. I looked back to the man standing a little behind me. As he removed his cloak, he said, "Let me introduce myself. My name is George Bush." I stood there in stunned silence. I just couldn't fathom what was going on. "So what's with the hotel? I'm sure you could have found better quarters to stay in." He replied that he liked to party and decided to kill two birds with one stone. He could see I was still puzzled so further explained that he was recruiting voters by getting them to join THE REPUBLICAN PARTY. And so, with a grin, a wave and a HAPPY HALLOWEEN he went off to mingle with the other guests.
I quickly ran back to my room, grabbed my bags and ran out the front door. Why you ask?? I'M A DEMOCRAT!!
Playboy Bunny takes it all off…
..........ahhhhhhhh this Apple Martini has calmed my nerves. Now, to survey the room. Slowly I turn and examine the crowd. Hmmm, I was promised that this would be a cool party, so far not much action. "Another Apple Martini bartender please". Threw the dirty mirror above the bar I can see the entrance, wow totally cool, here comes the man of my dreams Scarface, my heart is beating a million miles an hour. He asks "What's a doll like you doing with no escort?" I spin around and throw my arm around his neck and breathlessly whisper in his ear "I knew you would come for me".
Just then a chef brings Scarface dinner. I decide I would lift the lid and help serve him. All I remember is seeing
Is the head of a man, then I scream and faint. When I come to, Scarface helped me to a chair and got me a new drink. I look towards the entrance and see Cinderella, OH MY GOD! Is she serious, not cool, she looks more like a high priced hooker than she does Cinderella, who does she think she's trying to fool and she better keep her hands off my Scarface too. Here comes a new arrival, how quaint it's Eeyore, he is so cute, poor little donkey went straight to the corner. I see he is enjoying the music. Was that the Cute Cuddly Pillsbury Dough Boy peeking in the room from the kitchen door. OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! I scream as I jump into Scarface’s arms again. The lights just went out, mmmmm he is so handsome. We should have known Merlin would be behind that grand entrance. I say to Scarface, "Merlin looks sooo old now". I think he needs glasses, he seems to be squinting. Goo! Goo! Gaa! Gas! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
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