Posted by Val Venis (Ranked on Monopoly (Case's Online) Ladder) on March 07, 2012 at 17:47:30 PST:
"#!*^ Happens: Chocolate Lovers Deliver the Scoop on Poop" (Hustler Magazine June 2001)
by Dan Kapelovit
Houdini, an acquisitions-and-mergers analyst from East Meadow, New York, has been eating feces since his first day of kindergarten, when a female classmate pooped in her hands and dared him to lick her fingers clean.
"I don't recall her #!*^ tasting all that bad. In fact, I rather liked it," Houdini says. "When the teacher saw the mess, she yelled at us. We both cried and were taken to the nurse's office, and our parents were called to take us home."
Houdini, now 42 years old, has been fascinated with beautiful women's bowel movements ever since that first day of poo-poo play; for him, scat appeals to all five senses.
"It's visually stimulating to watch a lady's !@#*!#&@ expand and have a very large load slowly exit her body," Houdini says. "Second, I'm drawn to the texture. It feels mushy in my hands or on my face or on my erect penis. Next, I'm drawn to the smell. It still fascinates me that when a halfway decent-looking lady takes a #!*^, it can stink so badly. I also enjoy the crackling sound of #!*^ coming out of a lady's rearend. As for the taste—to me, a female's pee is her holy water, which I accept and wish to drink from her directly, and a female's #!*^ is her sacrament."
* * *
Human toilets often trace their unsettling eating habits back to an early childhood experience, but Heidi, a 38-year-old mother of two who works as a translator in a small town outside of Munich, Germany, is new to the scat scene.
"I had to go to the loo very badly, and was having trouble holding it," Heidi recalls. "I began #!*^ting my panties. The warmth and the feeling of #!*^ running down my legs aroused me so much that I emptied myself into my knickers completely. The orgasm I had when I smeared the mess over my @#!@ was unbelievable."
#!*^-eating is known as coprophagy among clinical psychologists, but doo-doo devotees favor the term recycling. A clean scat is an anus-to-mouth transfer of excreta that involves little or no smearing. A fan of the messy scat prefers to play with the poop before devouring it. Caviar is often employed as a euphemism for feces. Feeders refers to those who supply crap to the dookie munchers of the world.
Fudge freaks are fanatically particular about the size, taste and color of the turds they consume. Many finicky log swallowers prefer their #!*^ to be dark brown, almost black. Eating a bag of Oreo cookies, or a large quantity of Dutched cocoa, will achieve this end, as will chugging Pepto-Bismol (bismuth, the active ingredient in the famously pink stomach reliever, combines with sulfur in the gut to form bismuth sulfide, a black compound).
A crap connoisseur in the mood for a long, meaty coil of night soil will instruct his or her feeder to eat a huge meal, and then pinch back a loaf for as long as possible before finally taking a dump; the resulting turd will be especially large. In the taste department, scat providers often eat sugary foods to achieve fecal sweetness.
"My host served creamed onions at Thanksgiving—not my favorite, but I finished them just to be polite," recalls Ed, a fudge man who frequents Internet scat rooms. "Man, oh man, were they good the next day. Creamed onions make the sweetest and best #!*^ I ever tasted."
Dung gobblers avoid red meat, cheese, beans and dark beers, which yield foul-smelling and tasting craps. Bananas are said to produce flavorful, aromatic stools, but #!*^ invariably tastes like #!*^ (which is said to resemble ripe Camembert by fecal gourmets).
A select band of porn stars makes a living by catering to coprophiliac jackoffs. The most famous scat queen is Veronica Moser, the Cindy Margolis of #!*^. A Web surfer who comes across an image of a blonde with blue-gray eyes and naturally large breasts gobbling caca is most likely gawking at Moser, who has made some 120 XXX flicks since 1987, many of them scat-related.
Born in a small town in Austria, Moser worked for years as a secretary, eventually broke into modeling, then nude modeling and, finally, X-rated movies. Munching butt brownies soon followed.
"Always getting more extreme and a willingness to learn resulted in giving caviar a try," Moser recalls. "There was one fellow who wanted to #!*^ on me. Being a good girl, I opened my mouth, but this was too-strong stuff for me then, and I spit it out."
Though the game starlet was initially repulsed by the taste of human waste, diligence and an admirable work ethic made Moser the woman she is today.
"I took a bowl, #!*^ into it every morning and ate it," Moser says. "Pretty soon, my own caviar wasn't enough for me, and I dreamt of being covered with the #!*^ of a lot of men. What became of me, you can see in my movies."
Moser's oeuvre is impressive indeed. In Der Kaviar Express, the potty-porn vixen craps on a man's cock, then sucks his fudgesicle clean. In Sperrgebeit 2, the human toilet chews and swallows a log straight from a brunette's ass. In Kaviar Dinner, Veronica shows neophytes how to acquire a taste for stools by eating a man's feces out of a bowl with a spoon.
An appreciation for erotic #!*^ play seems to be inversely related to general cultural repression. Notoriously fussy Germany pumps out an impressive array of #!*^-themed films and periodicals. Japan, another anally retentive society, appears to be airing its messy side by way of a particularly large scat industry. #!*^ flicks aren't specifically outlawed by U.S. law, but a video store with potty erotica on the shelves could find itself fighting an obscenity rap with local prosecutors.
Alexia Cage, the 25-year-old queen of French poo-poo porn, has been playing "dirty games" since she was six years old.
"When I don't eat #!*^ and don't have sex, I learn philosophy in an important university," Cage says.
Cage may be educated, but she demonstrated abysmal mothering skills by starring in Pregnant Hard #!*^ Games, in which she swallowed #!*^, piss and puke straight from a male costar—while she was six months pregnant. According to Dr. Mel Sarikian, a physician at Harbor View Hospital in Columbia, South Carolina, Cage endangered her unborn child.
"Eating fecal material, even your own, can be hazardous to your health," Sarikian says. "Feces carries parasites, bacteria and viruses. E. coli, a bacterium, can be life-threatening. Hepatitis A and B, both very dangerous, can be passed through feces as well. You can also expose yourself to STDs, such as gonorrhea and even HIV, in the case of bloody stools."
A cavalier attitude toward hygiene is common in the scat community, where complete ignorance of health-and-safety basics appears to be the rule.
"Like any other sexual act, the threat of sexually transmitted disease is always there, but scat sex between two uninfected parties is harmless," insists Angel X, founder of Scatmania, an underground U.K.-based Web site. "Naturally, feces and urine are not designed for consumption and can have a repulsive effect, resulting in vomiting and an upset stomach; but hell, I've had the same result from bad Chinese food."
Dookie-lover Heidi enjoys smearing #!*^ on her @#!*@ before balling her boyfriend, but she doesn't anticipate health problems.
"The only negative experience up to now has been a slight allergic skin reaction my boyfriend gets sometimes, which passes after a few hours," Heidi says.
Most people don't need to consult a doctor to know that eating #!*^ is dangerous (it's linked to typhus, cholera and bad breath). Their only question regarding the practice is likely to be: Do scat fans have a screw loose?
Famed psychologist Dr. Joyce Brothers has a theory about coprophilia that has become standard among mental-health experts.
"It comes about primarily in early childhood, when too much fuss is made about toilet training," Brothers says. "A child who doesn't feel loved would rather have negative attention than no attention at all; so they make a battlefield out of toilet training. They know that mother is upset if she finds the child painting with feces or smearing it around the bathroom or on the wall."
Heidi pooh-poohs this notion. She believes that #!*^ is inherently sexy, but a restrictive society represses our natural affinity for fudge love. "All of us are actually born with this attraction," Heidi theorizes. "It's the way we are raised that puts a taboo on fetishes, or on sex in general."
If Heidi is correct, any increase in the numbers of poop enthusiasts in the world would be a sign of success in the ongoing fight against sexual repression. Of course, it's entirely possible that she's full of #!*^.
(This article originally appeared in the June 2001 issue of Hustler Magazine)
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