What a Lady!

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: I received this email from lammies and wanted to share it with all as I laughed the whole way through it hehe : Subject: Fw: FW: What A Lady! : > : > : > This is a great letter! I am gonna file it for future use lol!!! : > : > > What a Lady! Below is an actual letter sent to a bank. The bank : >manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York : >Times. : > > : > Dear Sir: : > > : > I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to : > pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have : >elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of : >the funds needed to honor it. : > > : >I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an : >arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are : >to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity,and also for : >debiting my account $50 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to : >your bank. : > > : >My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused : >me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally : >attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am : >confronted by the impersonal, overcharging,prerecorded faceless entity which : >your bank has become. : > > : >From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood : >person. My mortgage and loan repayments will, therefore and hereafter, : >no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, : >addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you : >must nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any : >other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application : >Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am : >sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him : >or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. : > > : > Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be : >countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her : >financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must : >beaccompanied by documented proof. : > > : > In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she : > must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 : >digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses : >required to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they : >say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. : > > : > Let me level the playing field even further. Press buttons as : >follows: : > > 1.- To make an appointment to see me. : > > 2.- To query a missing payment. : > > 3.- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there. : > > 4.- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping. : > > 5.- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature. : > > 6.- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home. : > > 7.- To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my : >computer is required. Password will be communicated at a later date to the : >authorized contact. : > > 8.- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7. : > > 9.- To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be : > > put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. : > > : >While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will : >play for the duration of the call. : > > : >Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an : >establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. : >May I wish you a happy, if ever-so-slightly less prosperous day, : > > : > > Your Humble Client : > > : > > Judy

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