Had to send this one as I laughed so hard. It is great, anyone with
or
> been around kids will enjoy this.
>
> A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.
>
> By Shannon Popkin
>
> My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and
> does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we're in
the
> library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often
> comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And
you
> never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully
cranked.
> There've been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning
> of
> his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never
> have I wished this more than last week at Costco.
>
> Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade
with
> me into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the
restroom
> that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the
second
> to the last stall:
>
> "Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper
on
> the potty, Mommy?
> Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now? Mommy, what are you
> doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?"
>
> At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in
> the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full .. 4? 5?
Maybe
> we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out
of
> this stall and reveal my identity.
>
> Cade continued, "Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a
> good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies
on
> the potty?
> Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh Mommy! I'm trying to see in dere.
> Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some
> candy!"
>
> I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of
> me.
> Where is a screaming newborn when you need her?
> Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing.
> I was definitely waiting a long time before exiting.
>
> Trying to divert him, I said, "Why don't you look in Mommy's purse
and
> see if you can find some candy we'll both have some!"
> "No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies. Oh! Mommy!"
> He started to gag at this point. "Uh oh, Mommy.
> I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow
up!!
> Dat is so gross!!"
>
> As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall. I
> quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject.
> I began to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets.
> If I count four flushes, I can be
> reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing
monologue
> will be long gone.
>
> "Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going
> stinkies! Get up! Get up!"
> He grunted as he tried to pull me off.
> Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet
> outside my door.
>
> "Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under da door?
What
> were you wooking at, Mommy?
> You wooking at the wady's feet?"
> More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the
> situation.
>
> "Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now,
> Mommy."
> He started pounding on the door. "Mommy, don't you want to wash your
> hands? I want to go out!!"
>
> I saw that my "wait 'em out" plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened
> the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty
ladies
> crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud.
> My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, "Where's
> the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every
> bit of my dignity and privacy?"
>
> But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed
bubbly
> soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away
> again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.
>
> (Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three. She lives
> with her family in Grand Rapids , Michigan , where she no longer uses
> public
> restrooms.)