Todd, is this you?

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: : : : 1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree. : : 2. You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter. : : 3. Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center. : : 4. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. : : 5. You burn your yard rather than mow it. : : 6. You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive. : : 7. The Salvation Army declines your mattress. : : 8. Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor : : to spare a loved one. : : 9. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't : : want it. : : 10. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial. : : 11. You come back from the dump with more than you took. : : 12. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table. : : 13. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat. : : 14. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list. : : 15. You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys. : : 16. You think a sub division is part of a math problem. : : 17. You've bathed with flea and tick soap. : : 18. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog. : : 19. Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell. : : 20. You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture. : : 21. You took a fishing pole to Sea World. : : 22. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program. : : 23. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold. : : 24. You have a rag for a gas cap. : : 25. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph. : : 26. Your father utes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas : : dinner. : : 27. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty. : : 28. Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does. : : 29. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. : : 30. You can spit without opening your mouth. : : 31. You consider your license plate personalized because your brother : : made it. : : 32. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. : : 33. You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer : : quota. : : 34. Your richest relative buys a new house and calls you up to help him : : take the wheels off. : : 35. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" : : on the side. : : 36. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart. : : 37. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV. : : 38. You thought the Unabomber was a wrestler. : : 39. You've ever used your ironing board as a buffet Table. : : 40. You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart. : : 41. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings : : you home. : : 42. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of : : improvement. : : 43. You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher : : 44. You call a gay person a "homo."

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